Seven years I cried...then another fourteen before I began to see my healing...I walked around with shame and guilt...there are lots of stories as to why but I don't want to dig up old hurts they are buried with Christ. But I do want to tell you something I learned!
Shame and Guilt
Guilt...
"How do you find the defendant?"
"We find the defendant guilty of all charged!"
Shame...
"Shame on you!"
"You should be ashamed of yourself!!"
Shame paralyzes, it defames you. It causes you to feel less of a person; worthless and hopeless, afraid and of no importance.
You can’t hold your head up…
You lose your confidence and you think if people were to find out what you’ve done they would shun you, judge you, abandon you and mark you as “no good.”
It keeps you locked up in a prison of doubt and fear.
Guilt is a key that turns the lock that keeps you locked up in your prison of shame!
It says, “Look what you did. You did the unforgiveable, there is no way out." You live in a constant state of fear. You walk around like a zombie. Hiding from the reality of truth, shame and guilt is a lie from Satan.
Guilt says, "It’s all your fault!" So you punish yourself by running and hiding. You don’t want to be set free from it because you believe you deserve to be punished. You make unwise decisions and you choose those things that will hurt you most. Not only does it hurt you but it hurts others too!
Guilt keeps you in confusion and despair. Guilt says you don’t deserve any better. You build walls of mistrust, false security, it keeps you running in circles and never coming to a solution. You rehash your failures over and over and over…you rehash your hurts from the past and can’t live in the present. It’s an imaginary trap with very real walls. So real you believe there is no way out! You’re the victim instead of the victor.
Drugs, alcohol, sex, porn, gambling...whatever the addiction may be, you try to fill the void and the pain so you won't feel the shame and guilt.
The only way you can release shame and guilt off of your life is to confess it to someone who can help you someone you can trust. Then cry out to Jesus and ask Him for His forgiveness. Forgive others and forgive yourself. Then healing can begin. It’s a day by day decision and it’s a process. Lots of prayer and seeking God for answers, breakthrough won’t come until you face it and admit you need help and then let the Holy Spirit wash you and guide you.
Forgiveness has been my biggest helper. I had to forgive people that hurt me....But most of all I had to forgive myself. Jesus said, If we don’t forgive, the tormentors will be turned loose on us. See the parable of the unforgiving servant. Matthew 18:21-35 that means ourselves too!
God is love but I didn’t understand true love, perfect love. I saw glimpses of it but I never knew it! God’s love doesn't hurt and it is unconditional. He let me know I was of value. I had a purpose for being born. Someone could love me and I could love too.
Yes life is messy. It’s hard and we will go through many trials and tests. But I’ve learned that there is one person I can truly trust and that is Jesus. When I came to the end of me…myself…and said, “God forgive me…I forgive everyone who has hurt me. Forgive me for hurting them. Healing began. It is a moment by moment task. Shame and guilt are gone and in their place is love and joy. Not to say I can’t still experience shame and guilt at times. But I’m quick to say Jesus forgive me, help me, let me love and forgive as you love and forgive me.
I’m learning to hear and listen to the Holy Spirit. He gently speaks to me early in the morning and all through the day. He says, “Don’t think like that, don’t say those words, speak life…walk as Jesus walks in faith and obedience.”
It’s not a one time for all time deal. We die daily; we take up our cross and follow him one day at a time. Trust him…surrender to him…let him be in you and you in him…and when we fall down we repent true repentance we turn around and walk the other way. We are born again, one time…but we are saved many times.
Just as we take a daily bath to be clean; we also have to wash ourselves in His word daily; it cleanses us and keeps us on the narrow path.
Jesus took all shame and guilt and it was hung on the cross, it was buried long ago and when He rose from that grave…All shame and guilt was gone forever.
He is a new creature the first fruits of God and because He did that we are also new in Him. When we ask Jesus into our hearts He forgives us and we can walk free in Him. (17 Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new. 2 Corinthians 5:17 kjv) Praise God.
You wouldn’t keep digging up a dead carcass over and over again…it would be decayed, stinking with maggots and worms…so don’t keep digging up the dead past. Be set free and let it go. When we are born again…we aren’t even the same person anymore…we have no past!!!! Praise God!!! God doesn’t remember it anymore and neither should we.
I suppose I could have learned these lessons faster but maybe not…I don’t know, all I know is that when you give up and TRUST GOD He will make a way…He will show you the best way…you have to be willing to let go of the pain and just surrender everything to Him. It took me years…and I’m sure I’ll be learning lessons until the day I lay this body down and my spirit runs into His arms. Until then I will trust Him no matter what!!!!
By Marla Shaw O’Neill February 4, 2015©
